i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
