I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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