I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
