based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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