This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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