For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
