im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
