I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
