no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
