i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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