he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I look better un-naked...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
