At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
