I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So much Jack, so little girl.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
