Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
