dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
