The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
