did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
