Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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