she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
