Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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