It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
