Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
