WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
