If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
