I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
