I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
