just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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