Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
