Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You made me cry and you don't even care
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
