elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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