I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
