Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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