u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
