My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
