I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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