Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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