we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there was a trapeze. enough said
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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