She just used a chaser for red wine.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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