My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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