I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
