shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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