you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
