That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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