He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
