I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
