So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
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dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
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I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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