my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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