I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
