I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
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