dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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