Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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