You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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