it hurts more in the daytime
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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