Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
