OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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