Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
