I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
