just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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