Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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