come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
