some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
