Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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