You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize