he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
