remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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