Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
