I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
